I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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