i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
