I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
