Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
