so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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