Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
