Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
