girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
only you would photoshop your dick
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
