im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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