My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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