Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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