I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
