my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wish my penis had a tongue
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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