you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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