And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
