Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
