these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
