so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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