she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
