Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
