Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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