I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
