I bet he comes in French.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
