He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
