I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
