I just pynch a tree in the face
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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