can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
