woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
