I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
