I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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