Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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