Where did you get a picture of my penis
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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