i may or may not be watching the land before time
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
