I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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