I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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