I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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