i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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