Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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