Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
