I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
