good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
