goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
