maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
