my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
