fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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