Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
