Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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