I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
