ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
