I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
