nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did I show you my penis last night?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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