Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Did I show you my penis last night?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
